No I'm not gonna do that. I'm just kidding. Well, sort of. I'm going to shame some people, and they will be based on age if they act a certain way, and/or, some bottoms, but not really that. I swear.
Sort of.
No, but I am going to point out a tendency that annoys me. It is the gimme-gimme-gimme Peter Pan insatiable taker behavior of our "community," which is the very reason why I now put "community" in scare quotes because Jesus fucking Christ we don't actually have one.
Forgive me if I "boomer" out here but fucking seriously, something needs to be said. In a time where everyone has decided sassy-proud-of-myself behavior is how you act, even if what you're doing is nothing but selfish bullshit, then it's time to call out fidget spinning manbun consumers of avocado toast for the takers that they are.
By which I mean, elderly "boys." If you're young, be a boy while you can, and enjoy it, and this isn't about you actually. I'm asking for the older eternal-boys to grow the fuck up.
I studied biology and evolution in high school and college as, perhaps, my most astute topic, to the point where I can slaughter nearly any religious person's attempt at calling evolution 'just a theory" and correct all their strawman arguments against it. And here is what I can assure you evolution proves: species only exist for a long time if they reproduce and pass down the ability to do so.
That is not happening in the gay men "community."
You watched Pose, right? What made me thirsty about that show was the support, the togetherness, the incredible will to fight for one another and take each other into houses to fight for survival in the face of tremendous opposition. As a gay man what I've experienced in the gay-male "community" is not that. Oh I've been taken in, but for sex. And I've been accepted, but for sex. And when the sex is over, that was it.
I've always heard about "daddies" and I've had enough little boys coming to me calling me daddy because they want me to fuck them. Sometimes I fucked them. But I am not a daddy. I simply would not know how to be one. I've not had the example taught to me. I'm still looking for one person to earn that title from me.
Hell, I never called my own father, the guy who injected sperm into my mom's hoo-hah to make me form in her infernal womb-pit, "daddy" because that bastard never earned that title. I've never had any man earn that title.
Save one, and only for a short while. He was my 3rd partner. I'll call him Patrick for the duration of this post. Patrick wanted to fuck me. I'd only been fucked once and it hurt and I didn't know how to take it because partner #2 didn't give a shit to teach me how to enjoy it. Patrick did. He took great patience, teaching me the biological function of it, how to dilate and waited for me to physically "get it" as to why I'd want to take it. Then I couldn't get enough. Sadly that's when he stopped, and I'll never understand why, and why after a year and a half of him telling me how much of a leather daddy he was, I was still waiting for him to take me through even one leather BDSM scene of any kind.
That is all the daddying I've ever experienced. After over a decade still trying to find my way into that leather-sex world, I still have nothing to show for it. That community seems to have decided I'm not allowed to play in any of their reindeer games.
But Patrick did teach me more than just how to take a dick. I think he was just going through some hard times and felt out of confidence, and I still deeply love him for who he was to me. And I'll never forget when he cried, and I mean wept, on my shoulder in deep, powerful sobs.
He'd told me about someone he loved in high school. Someone who was scared about coming out but finally did, and only ever had sex once, with a man who didn't use a condom. The boy caught HIV. Apparently a rapidly bad case, because he was dead from AIDS in a very short time. Patrick cried as he told me how this poor kid didn't have a daddy who took good care of him like a daddy should.
Patrick taught me what a daddy should be. What he should not be. And I've yet to see an example of this in my life other than being taught how to take a dick.
So all these little boys come calling me daddy hoping I'll fuck them, not realizing I'm taking that term seriously. Daddies don't just shove their dicks in you, kids. They should pass on knowledge and wisdom, protect you and nurture you, guide you and love you. Patrick is the only one who did that for me, other than the wait for any kinky sexual contact from him. And I've not seen any of it since. Not in a long-term sense where I could trust and count on it.
And that, too, is what a daddy needs to be. It takes time to earn that title, and no gay man (or man period) has ever truly stuck around to be that for me. Oh I've ridden out some men's midlife crises, take care of their hard times, and it felt like I was being a daddy to them (though they'll never admit it). But they weren't that for me back. And it's drained me.
And that's what I mean about evolution, and the passing on of the ways to the next generation. Everyone tells me how the leather world "used to be," before a ton of those men died off in the AIDS crisis. They marvel about the good old days. But what they won't fucking do is just fucking be it now. Like they're content to let it be dead.
And the boys who had good daddies grew up, threw on that sassy-proud-to-be-me attitude, and want to remain boys forever, instead of daddying-it-forward. As a result, real daddies come in short supply. So the few who exist get their choice of boys, and of course, they take only the hottest muscle kids, so the rest of us are out in the cold.
Maybe I'm oversimplifying it, but you know damn well if you haven't carried the community forward and should be. You know if I'm talking to you. If you feel really angry and defensive right now and want to yell at me about it, then as the saying goes, a hit dog is the one that hollers. In other words, what have you done to pass on what your daddy taught to you? I don't want to hear anything else from you. Don't come at me with excuses.
No species exists if the offspring just look for more parents when theirs are gone, hoping to be cared for until they die. That is not how biology works. No exceptions. No, you're not worthy of the sassy pride you have. You're a biological dead end and why the "community" is dying.
This is where I usually get called an ageist. I'M A PROUD BOY AND ALWAYS WILL BE AND YOU CAN'T SHAME ME!!!!! I have been angrily told. Well, yes I can. You take take take and never give give give to the community that's already given you so much.
Same with the tired old cliché of bottoms and tops.
I've been to leather parties and seen these guys. Every sling is full of someone laying there waiting for someone to slip on a banana peel and fall dick-first into their gaping hole. And what is everyone doing? Well, ignoring them. Is this a sensible strategy? Instead of getting up and letting someone else use the thing who did try to find a fuckbuddy. Fill me! Fill my hole! But have you filled anybody else's?
Yeah, this is where the bottom shaming part comes in, but don't even think of coming for me about it. I'm versatile. I love to fuck, I love to get fucked. And only one of those is hard to come by. Why? Everyone wants to take the dick, nobody wants to give it, and you know I'm right. And bottoms bottom shame like nobody's business!
When I was at a party, and I'd fucked several holes, and I want a little in return, I flipped over for someone only to hear some guy I'd just pumped a load into earlier, sniff derisively at me for bending over and said, "I knew it."
In other words, a bottom was bottom-shaming me!
But back to evolution. You wanna be a boy forever? You all already are! I will never not be my sperm-donor's son even if I had a son of my own (like that'll ever happen). Look, every living thing is someone else's boy and always will be. And I know not everyone can be a daddy (all I have to do is ask gay boys about camping to know so many thinking roughing it is staying in only a 3 star hotel to know that).
But seriously. That's because none of you want to grow the fuck up. I hear the way boys talk about their daddies in reverence and worship as though the man was squeezed freshly out of God's balls, and yet they are not taking that example and forwarding it to a boy in need of that same thing they were privileged to have, and it just kills me how selfish that is.
Back to Pose: Blanca did not stay a daughter. She didn't cease to be Electra's daughter just because she made her own house and became a mother. That is why more people thrived. While you're content just sucking off more daddies and being a biological dead end for this "community" you claim to love.
Don't make me sick Electra on you. But not just on you. On every guy that goes and poses in those leather caps covered in dead cow, but having absolutely no intention of being anything for anybody. Just looking for a hole. Just posing as the daddies of the old guard without any of the responsibilities.
I'm not even imposing any toxic-masculinity rules on what being a daddy must mean either. So a purse falls out of your mouth when you talk. I don't care! Those guys are usually way more fun in the sack than any masc4masc ub2 idiot who's so afraid anything about them might fall short of the bro code.
You don't have to be John fucking Wayne to care for and guide someone. Just guide someone! You can do it and still be the boy to the daddy you had.
I'm serious. Get out of the sling with your hole to the world waiting for more more more to be given to you, and give some of yourself too. You know damn well if you just take take take you're a fucking cliché. Do better.
Believe it or not, constantly wanting and waiting for your hole to be filled will not satisfy you. There is so much than just that. As Mame says (see, here I am quoting a musical) "life is a smorgasbord and so many of you are starving" waiting for the one single item that's hogged up by all the boys, when there are delicacies all around you. Okay, that was a butchered paraphrase, but you get it.
Fucking eat from life, and fucking fuck, and fucking do more. And do better. I'm begging you.
At this point, I only fuck versatiles and tops now. I no longer reply to all-bottoms on dating apps. I just don't have it in me (pun not intended) to give to a bottomless bottom.
And you don't know what you're missing.
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